So, an unsupported workaround, pointed out to me by Erland Sommarskog, SQL MVP & SQL God:
EXEC sp_MS_marksystemobject [your_sp_name]
Put butter in your mixer, add sugar, set on low. Write a stored procedure to keep track of jobs that won't run. Add flour. Use a DMV to find unused indexes. Add eggs. Bake in an MDF with 20% free space.
EXEC sp_MS_marksystemobject [your_sp_name]
SELECT * FROM sys.dm_exec_procedure_stats
EXEC sys.sp_refreshsqlmodule 'dbo.MyProcFnOrView'