Howdy, NTSSUG! Here's the slide deck for the presentation tonight (May 19th 2016). Holler if questions!
(Note: live slide deck below; may change without notice as I update it)
Put butter in your mixer, add sugar, set on low. Write a stored procedure to keep track of jobs that won't run. Add flour. Use a DMV to find unused indexes. Add eggs. Bake in an MDF with 20% free space.